The one I have to get back on
Been seriously lacking in drive/motivation/sense the last couple of weeks.
Been too short on money to buy petrol for getting to the gym. I know that instead I could do stuff at home since I have stairs and myself and a swiss ball and weights. But when Im at home all I see is house work that needs to be done, which overwhelms me and instead I dont do anything. And then sometimes, instead, I just eat junk. And then I feel bad about eating junk. And to make myself feel better, I eat more crap.
I think maybe because every other time I have succeeded at losing weight, I have managed to put it all on again, plus more. And so I think in the back of my mind, that is there sabotaging me so that it doesnt happen again. And the fear of succeeding and not regaining it - it is such a foreign idea and makes me feel so uncertain.
Time to stop with the bullshit. I can do this. It will take time. I have to make slow changes. It needs to last forever. It will not happen straight away. I am going to fall down. The main thing is to pick myself up again, dust myself off, and get back on this huge friggin scary horse!!
You can do it!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is a scary journey and one that is a lifetime without any magic carpet to ride apart from the one you decide upon yourself. You can and will do this knowing that a step back can be just that a step and not a tumble to the bottom of the hill. Believe in yourself gal - u can u will. Luv MamaBear x0x0
ReplyDeleteIt IS tough. Really tough. And people who have never struggled with their weight don't understand just how tough it can be. (Typical acusation, "No willpower".) You're echoing my own thoughts here - overwhelmed by housework/section, so don't do any of it, and using food for both solace and reward. You are not alone - and you've got more intestinal fortitude than I have, just in doing this blog. Hang in there and be my inspiration!
ReplyDeleteMotivation is the hardest. And holding onto the motivation once you've lost the weight and the bad bits of being overweight aren't so immediate is super hard (I've done it once in my adult life, as soon as I changed my living situation my had work started slipping out the window...).
ReplyDeletePersonally, I guess I just don't want to be a healthy weight as much as I want to eat takeaways and sit on my arse at my computer. I like takeaways. I finally found exercise I love doing, but it turned out to be sports that I'd need to socialise (AND spend money, ugh) to do, and my social anxiety gets in the way - which might even be my subconscious making more excuses not to do exercise, for all I know.
Urgh, my housework to-do list overwhelms me, too. Especially dishes. Only being home part of the week + having people over a lot in the last couple of weekends = too many dishes and not enough time. I haven't vacuumed in two weeks and will probably have an allergic reaction if I don't do it this weekend. :( Which isn't as motivating as it should be - I probably won't get around to it. :P
I hope you find your motivation soon, and hold onto it once you've lost the weight to keep it off! If mine's hiding with yours, clip it around the ear and send it home. ;)
xxH
p.s. If you ever need to get away from your housework and do some fun exercise, email me and we'll go play tennis or some ridiculous shit like that. :) Haha, I think I'll even go dig my racquet out from the garage and bring it home this weekend! I don't think I've used it in about 15 years. Half my freaking LIFE.
Thanks Em, MamaBear and Aunty Trish. I will try :)
ReplyDeleteAnd Hayley - tennis or something sounds fun!!! Lets do that sometime :)
I remember seeing a saying (or hearing a saying I guess) that "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels", but maybe that person never had really good fish and chips....